The Human Sundae Affair
by Batwoman
Summary: With all the dunkings Napoleon and Illya have endured at the hands of T.H.R.U.S.H., you'd think they'd be able to stay dry on their day off...


Summary: With all the dunkings Napoleon and Illya have endured at the hands of

T.H.R.U.S.H., you'd think they'd be able to stay dry on their day off...

Disclaimer: I don't own Illya, Napoleon, April, U.N.C.L.E., Mr. Waverly, T.H.R.U.S.H.

or any of those fun things. I have no idea who owns them these days. They were

originally created by Norman Felton. I'm just playing with them along with everyone

else. :)

Author's Note: This is what happens when I get inspired by something we did at

camp and I have the pictures to prove it. :) This is unbetaed but was a hit with the wet tag group. This takes place before the Renaissance Faire Affair.

Date Written: 7/15/03

Author: Batwoman

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Napoleon thought back to the other day. The day Illya asked him for a favor.

Knowing his partner like he does, he said yes, not knowing the extent of the favor.

He looked at the piece of paper in his hand reading the address and thought back

to what Illya had said,

"**Dress casual."**

Trusting his friend like he does, he did as he said with no further questions. As he

walked down the street to the address, he thought back to the events of the past

few weeks. What a ride they had been on. One mission after the other had left

either or both of them covered in something. Glad for the reprise Mr. Waverly had

given them after successfully shutting down the T.H.R.U.S.H. plant, they fished

themselves out of the Thames river went to their hotel room, dried off and made

arrangements to come back to New York.

After debriefing, they decided to just

relax and not think of work for a change. Illya went about his usual way and

retreated to his books, music and whatever else he did that Napoleon didn't know

about. While Napoleon on the other hand did what he always did, winded and dined

women.

Stopping in front of a building, he looked at the address, back at the note, then read

the sigh above the door.

"**East Side Center"**

Looking back at the note and address he wanted to make sure he was at the right

place. He vaguely wondered why Illya had just given him an address and not a

name to go with it. Pushing the thought aside, he stepped in the door.

"Hello Mr. Solo." Turning Napoleon saw a tall redhead who looked to be in her late

twenties.

"You seem to have me at a disadvantage miss…."

"Lang. Angela Lang." She said smiling as she extended her hand to shake his.

Taking her hand he laid on the charm and said, "It's a pleasure to meet you Angela,

and please, call me Napoleon." Figuring his mysterious partner was already there;

he ventured a question. "Ah, where's Illya?"

She smiled at the mention of the blonde's name. "He's in the back. I'll take you to

him." She led him down a hallway to a room in the back. It was empty except a tarp

on the floor towards one end of the room.

"Looks like he's not here." By the time he turned to look at her, she was gone. Not

sure what was going on, he wandered around the room. Taking in everything

around him. As if on cue, a swarm of teenagers came in snickering and giggling.

Angela walked in after them to stand next to Napoleon. Getting a sinking feeling, he

wasn't sure he wanted to ask her what was going on. So he waited. Less than a

minute later Illya came in followed by a teenage girl pushing a cart loaded with large

cans of something. He had a feeling that wasn't all that was on the cart, but waited

until his partner was standing next to him to ask.

"What's ah going on here buddy?"

Finding it hard to hide the smile that was tugging relentlessly at the corners of his

mouth, he turned to the girl, smiling, and nodded. She tried hard not to smile as she

nodded back and went to sit with the other teens on the floor. As Illya turned back to

face his partner, Napoleon looked back at the cart and tried to see what was on it.

Illya being as thorough as he is left no clues. There were two very large cans, the

size you'd find in a school cafeteria, with no labels and the tops opened. Beside

them was a mystery. Napoleon could tell something was under the cloth but he

didn't know what and the suspense was, and Illya's odd behavior were starting to

make him nervous. T.H.R.U.S.H. interrogations he can handle, a room full of

teenagers and his partner's mysterious behavior he wasn't too sure of.

Turning Illya finally looked at Napoleon, but not in the eye. He then looked at the

youth and began to walk around Napoleon talking. Napoleon eyed his partner

suspiciously. Not knowing what was going on, he stood where he was.

"As you know, we're here because of a challenge that was made. We challenged

you to read 6 books each over a period of 3 months. Now some of you made that

goal, but some of you didn't."

As he went on, Napoleon eyed his partner wondering where he was going with this.

Illya continued with his speech Napoleon had a sneaky feeling Illya was having a

little too much fun.

"Those of you that didn't, read more than we asked of you." The teens broke out

into a thunderous cheer, leaving Napoleon wishing he was standing in a room full of

T.H.R.U.S.H. agents, unarmed. "So as promised, you're reward." He turned back to

the cart and picked up one of the large cans. He walked back to his partner and

with a twinkle in his eye; he lifted his arm above Napoleon's head.

"Illya? What are you doing? What's in that?" Illya said nothing, as he tipped the can

forward and the substance poured slowly over him. Napoleon glanced up to see

what it was just at it made contact. Getting hit in the face, he quickly looked down

and began to wipe his face. He sniffed the mysterious substance hesitantly and

found it to be fudge sauce. "What are you doing?"

"Quiet!" He said in his best interrogator voice. All the while trying not to laugh any

more than he was deep down. He continued to pour the sticky substance until the

can emptied. As he emptied the contents of the can onto his partner's head, the

youth broke out into cheers and applauds.

Napoleon tried to glare at his partner but was blinded by the sticky substance. So he waited. After the can emptied he wiped his eyes and glared at his partner. "What was that for?"

"You heard me, this is their reward for successfully completing the challenge."

Before Napoleon could say another word Illya had the second can in hand and

began pouring. Just like it's predecessor, this one poured out slowly and was just

as sticky. Napoleon was getting irritated at this point. He, no they had both been

dunked and covered in various substances a tad too much recently. Now they had

some time off for good behavior and what does Illya do? Turn him into a… a….

upon tasting the second substance he was sure of it. A human sundae! He was

going to get Illya for this.

Illya knew he'd pay for this, but it was worth it. As he emptied the second can onto his head he thought about it. To get Napoleon this good was worth anything Napoleon could do to him. Well, almost anything. He hesitated for a fraction of a second before reaching for the cloth. Deciding he was having too much fun, the lifted the cloth with a flourish. Under the cloth were a can of whipped cream and a bowl of cherries. Retrieving the can first, he shook it then reached up and sprayed the fluffy material onto his head. Once the can was empty, the picked up a cherry and with a flourish, placed it on top. All the while the teens were cheering the show.

He stepped back to admire his work. Leaving a very irritated Napoleon in front of

the room. At the sound of a camera Napoleon looked up to see April standing next

to Illya smiling and laughing. "Nice job Illya."

"Thank you." He said feeding her a cherry. "I thought about adding nuts but I thought

that would have been too much."

"I think you're right, that would have been too much. But this," holding up the camera

indicating the picture she just took, "will be the hit of the office."


End file.
